These days have been about dealing with pain, as well as enduring God’s pruning process. I’m undergoing cleansing of my emotions – battling them head on and taming them once and for all.
I’ve been feeling clouded and overwhelmed with the emotions I’m facing, as well as patiently enduring tests that I’m being given. I welcome this pain, I welcome this discomfort, knowing that this is growth, and that house cleaning also entails scrubbing hard those dirty little corners.I am more willing to have myself be burnt at the altar of God’s purifying fire. Cleansing can be painful, but worth it. This pain is never wasted, specially when my Living Hope is right there beside me holding my hand, while I go to school to grow, to learn, heal, and to be equipped. He Himself exchanged the comforts of the heavenly throne to come here on earth, taking on the form of a mortal human being, that He felt all the pain, shame and rejection from all mankind, patiently enduring the Cross. With Him, my pain is meaningful and profound. My wounds have a place to heal – as I learn to surrender, I clasp my wounds with His nail-pierced hands, and I know that I am never alone. Life flows out from His wounds, and I am resuscitated back to life. I thank the Lord Jesus Christ, for if I am to face all these emotions, and pain without Him, I would have drowned. I need Him every single moment in my life.
As there are some sad days when even a trip to the beach fails to cheer me up, and I can’t bring myself to get out of bed to explore and to even seek Him in the stillness of the lush scenery and beautiful skies, I ask myself, have I been distracted? Is this of my own doing?
But even if the beautiful beach scenery failed to paint colors in my heart, the Lord will never give me up. His furious Love is eternally proven when He refused to give up His children to sin, and willingly sent His Only Son on a rescue mission to die for all of our sins at the Cross. This time, He disarmed me when I was high up in the skies. Yes, God can be so poetic like that. During the plane ride trip home, as I was praying, my heart suddenly got drawn to the beautiful skies nearing sunset. Beautiful clouds with golden rays of the sun lining them beautifully, with such golden beauty spilling over and over the beautiful sky. He disarmed my heart that way. I was undone. He spoke lovingly to me, heart to heart, with His Words,
Set your mind on the things that are above, not on the things that are on the earth. – Colossians 3:2
It’s just so cool that I was actually above everything else that He whispered to my heart these words of instruction and Wisdom. It’s true. As I think about things, about people, about circumstances, and even my emotions, it just gets me deeper in sadness, losing my hope. Focusing more on them does not help at all because all this world is fallen, and people are not perfect. You can always wonder why people hurt you, even if you’re innocent, but then it’s really impossible not to get disappointed when you place your trust in people. This world is not permanent, nor is it perfect at all. Things, and people are broken, and hurt people hurt people. I’ve found my peace when I set my things on things above – namely, Him. That moment of epiphany was quite precious as His Love flooded into my heart like furious golden rays of the sun, giving me wave after wave of peace that this world can never, ever give. As I fix my eyes to the Prince of Peace, everything just becomes still – my restless thoughts, anxieties, unresolved emotions, unanswered questions. He becomes the answer that I need. He becomes the fulfillment of every longing. He becomes the meaning in my life. He becomes my joy. He re-calibrates me and I am just home again. His peace chisels every rough edges on the road, and I can just rest in Him.
Thank You, Lord Jesus. You are so so good. I’ve gotten more than I’ve bargained for. When I thought that the best thing about being born-again is going to heaven, yes, it is. Your greatest gift to me is that I get to be with You forever, but I did not expect that You’d be so willing and be so patient with me, pulling me from the dirt, gently cleaning me up, healing me, teaching me, guiding me, and walking with me. You even gave me promises. I don’t deserve any of them. Who am I that you are mindful of? You are way too much. When they said that God is Love, I never thought Love would be this perfect and so beautiful, that even my entire being can’t be able to grasp all of You. You’re way too much, and I’m way too grateful. Thank you. So much. Help me just yield to you, always trust you, and just give you my life. You deserve more than that.
Filed Under Reflections